On The Wrong Train?
Get Off At The Next Station.
Last night / early this morning, the New Moon in Gemini, conjuncting the planet Uranus (the planet of shocks, shake ups and all things unexpected) set off a brand new 8 year cycle. It’s started a new era and we’re invited to re-think our routines, re-write old narratives, re-script the self talk and leave behind outdated mentalities.
This is a supportive time to replace all the old beliefs with something new. And I sure as heck know my self talk needs a massive systems update - but I’ve only recently realised that saying that it needs to change, without outlining how I want my new inner voice to sound, is a little like realising I’m on the wrong train but not doing anything about it.
The song I wrote with Emily Hackett that was a single off of her up-coming record Must Be Present To Win which is out at the end of this month, always reminds me how destructive a highly critical inner voice can be (and how important vulnerability is in art). And whilst the first step towards change is realisation, by not gifting that inner critic a new script, and simply berating it for reciting the old one, I was keeping myself in awareness hell.
In my early twenties, I believed that just thinking positively was the solution. However, in my early thirties, I realised that toxic positivity is one degree away from lunacy. Keeping this train analogy chugging along (#sorrynotsorry), after listening to a lot of thought provoking conversations with Brett Kissler and Joe Hudson on The Art of Accomplishment and concepts put forward by Dr Ellen Langer, the realisation that you’re on the wrong train (i.e. stuck in highly critical self talk) is the first part of the solution; the second part is getting off at the next station (i.e. the need to write a new script).
Creativity, connection, relationships - all of them rely on making decisions. And I think many of us stay on the wrong train out of fear or regret that we made the wrong decision (whatever “wrong” means). But as Dr Langer puts forward, there was no guarantee that the other decision would have solved all our problems. We think that the other road in the yellow wood would have been the right one (whatever “right” means) and thus spending weeks, months if not years chastising ourselves for not knowing better. But what if that other decision was even worse (worse being relative to the decision that you took)? And how could you know it wasn’t what you wanted until you made it?
Last night, to celebrate the New Moon in Gemini, I teamed up with Zane Ceramics and we did a night of altarpiece making and tarot readings. During one person’s reading, we discussed how exhausting it is to live in the “maybe-both-roads-will-work” space and how important it is to both accept and grieve the road we didn’t take. We spoke about how regret rarely solves anything, and we wondered what might happen if she accepted the decision she made being the best and the right decision for her at that time, but now, seeing as she’s a bit further down the road, she’s realised the next best and right decision is that it’s not the road she wants to be on and she’s decided to turn around and get off at the next station.
Sometimes, all we need to give ourselves are escape routes, possible exit strategies to step off of the hamster wheel we’re running in. And in outlining some of those strategies, we might realise that the hamster wheel we’re spinning in is of our own making from our own thoughts, from our own minds, and that we can step off the wheel whenever we like.
So if you’ve realised you’re on the wrong train, get off at the next station. I’ll see you on the platform.
Love,
